Hello cat fans.
Today I am going to spit some TRUTH. (that is what rappers say) Mostly I would like to tell you about “cats are good friends.”
Cats: not just for MEN
There is an old cliche that “dogs” are mans best friend. But this is not true.
Here are some reasons:
- Has your best friend ever pooped on your kitchen floor?
- Have you ever walked your best friend on a leash?
- Does your best friend try to hump your other friends when you give them hugs?
- Does your best friend sniff your private parts when you get home from the gym?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you probably need a new best friend, because your current best friend is creepy.
Let us contrast this “dog”ma with some REAL TALK ™ about friendship. What does a good friend do, you might ask. I have compiled a list ™
Qualities of a Good Friend:
- A good friend is down to just chill, straight up.
- A good friend helps you get rid of household pests.
- A good friend knows you love them, they don’t need constant affirmation or validation.
- A good friend is there for you when you need them.
- A good friend will sometimes hide in the bathtub until you open the curtain, then they will jump out and scare you because that’s fun.
- A good friend will hang out in a box for your entertainment
- A good friend sometimes eats a lot of CATNIP and is down to just chill.
- A good friend listens without judging or preaching
- A good friend lets you scratch behind their ears and nibble on their chin. (you know who you are)
- A good friend licks your face when you come home. (dan)
Et cetera.
Point is….
Cats don’t get the props they deserve. Some people say that “dogs” are man’s [and womenz no sexism plz] best friend. This is frankly untrue. As scientific evidence has shown, dogs do things that your best friend would not do, while cats completely comply with my rigorous formulation of best friend (tm) criteria. It’s science, people. Cat, not dog, is human’s best friend ™.
Ok heres some CatStats.
CatStats III?
Food In: Fancy Feast, 2 different kinds
Food Out: 3 pees, 1 poop (mushier than usual)
Time spent freaking out when we got home: at least 24 min. (better than a “dog”)
Times I realized that cat is man’s best friend: several
CATNIP buzzes: 1
Times kitty thought, “I’m Too High For This Shit:” 3
Paw licks: 45+
Naps after getting “Too High For This Shit”: 1…
Anyhow, thanks for reading my CatBlog ™ I hope you come back. Feel free to leave a question or comment I will use my Feline Expertise to solve any cat issue, no matter how complex. Take it easy CatFriends ™.
CatFuns 
Hi Dolikejuan. You raise several interesting points which I will address in my next post. I resent your assertion that my cat-search is flawed. I think that you may be misinformed as to the nature of man-cat relationships, and I hope to clarify many of the issues which I touched on in this post. Thank you for your feedback. I can tell you have spent a lot of time thinking about men and cats. I appreciate your candor, and I hope that my next post will satisfy your curiosity. Also I hope to entertain and inform you. In your mind.
Posted by catfuns | April 11, 2011, 11:15 pmI take your resentment and raise it with aggravation of my own on the fact that you claim to be a man-cat expert when you’ve had but one “experiment”
Although, I do look forward to your next post. In my mind. hole.
+Doli Kejuan
Posted by dolikejuan | April 12, 2011, 2:36 amI am not sure to which “experiment” you refer, and I’ll see your aggravation and raise you a righteous indignation. Good DAY sir.
Posted by catfuns | April 12, 2011, 11:06 amWow! Real eye, opening article. I’ve never seen cats in this light.
Although, I think you should have done some more catsearch (cat+research) on the topic.
issues are as follows:
“A good friend listens without judging or preaching”
-true, but studies show cats eye-judge more than any other animal. They are perpetually looking down at others.
“A good friend licks your face when you come home. (dan)”
-never would I ever let a cat lick my face. Its rough and dry. No good, no thanks!
“A good friend is there for you when you need them.”
-cats are never “there for you.” they’re too busy scampering off and hiding in nooks and crannies. As you read this, snacks is probably in that weird cabinet space right now
“A good friend will hang out in a box for your entertainment”
-good point.
+Dolikejuan
Posted by dolikejuan | April 11, 2011, 12:11 pm