African CATS, Advanced MultiCatural Theory, and the RETURN OF CATSTATS. also, Disney: Still Racist

HELLO CAT FANS!!!

I wrote that extra-big!

That is because I extra-missed you! I am finally done with my undergraduate course of study in Theoretical Cata-physics, and I finally have some time to write!!! YAY!!!

HAPPY CATUATION EVERYBODY

Today I want to talk about BIG CATS. What are BIG CATS, you ask? Well, from a scientific perspective, they are cats that are bigger than normal cats ™

I want to talk about this because I just saw the movie Disney’s African Cats. Now, I thought Walt Disney was supposed to be a racist, but I guess things have changed at the Disney company because this movie makes Africa look AWESOME. Without giving too much away, it is about fierce cat-moms who are all about their families. My favorite character was a cheetah who is a single mother.

This is an example of a BIG CAT. It is a Cheetah. Note its size, which is big.

Cheetahs are awesome and here is why.

• They are faster than any other land animal!
• They have semi-retractable claws: unlike most cats, they never fully retract their claws. How bad ass is that?!?!
• They are adorable.
• They are ferocious hunters
• Instead of RAWRing like most BIG CATS, cheetahs peep, growl, cherp and meww and PURRRRRRRRRR like a little kitty. AWW!
  

  This is what baby cheetahs look like. As is plainly visible, they are cute and I want one.

• They are the LONE WOLFS of the BIG CATS.
• Their favorite toys are jackals.
• Their favorite brand of wet food is Gazelle.
• 75 mph
• they fear nothing
• except lions.

There are also other awesome BIG CATS that live in Africa!!!

For example, LIONS. These are REALLY BIG CATS. I learned a lot about lions today while watching African Cats.

Here is what I learned about lions:

• They are Freaking Huge
• Their balls are funny, and apparently a favorite subject of Disney’s cinematographer.
• They are the most powerful shit in Kenya.
• Lady lions do all the hunting, but supposedly Man lions are all about protecting the pride.
• However, the papa lion kept running off and making the ladies fight for him.
• SPOILER ALERT
• The papa lion eventually ditches the pride.
• Thus, I also learned that lions are kind of deadbeat dads.
• This brings me to my next point—
  

  This is a male Lion engaging in Lions' favorite pastime

Disney is still totally racist:

OK so African Cats basically boils down to a movie about deadbeat dads, single mothers, and gangs who roam around raping and killing their neighbors. I think that this is the subliminal message about people from Africa that Disney is trying to force feed our kids. Don’t Bring Your Kids To This Movie!!!!!

Don't take it from me, just ask Ralphie the Anti-Racist Lion

But you should still watch it yourself because it’s pretty awesome.

Anyway enough preachin’. I conclude with

CatStats 13 May 2011

It’s been a while so bear with me

Pees: 1

Poops: 0 so far

Meows when I came home: a lot

Mugs knocked over and broken: 1

Times I really cared: 0

How lucky is my cat? Very, a lot of people would be pissed about that

Aww nice kitty. Yeah.

Naps in the sunny sun: A lot, considering the sun just came out an hour ago!

Well, that’s it for today, CatFans. I leave you with an action shot of snacks because she is cute.

This is my cat Snacks looking fierce becuase she is 1/3 cheetah. Thanks to my dad for taking this awesome pic. Thanks for stopping by CatFans!!!!!!